indecision

Under economic analysis, we go to school to build upon our human capital, the set of attributes we possess, the aggregate of our being be it our skills, talents, education, training, etc. Your crocheting is as much a part of your human capital as an econ degree will be to mine. Under a different analysis, school serves as a means to agglomerate. It's a place were ideas are shared and expanded upon. It's a birthplace of new ideas and the incubator of those needing tweaking.

To certain people, school is a means by which we figure out the rest of our lives.
College is a marvelous place where we figure out what we are passionate about doing lower division course work and expand on our love for that by declaring whatever we love as a major and then learning what wonderful differences we can make in the world!!

To those people, I say "Nay! And please get off my lawn, you're making all my flowers grow with you damned optimism!"

But, these past 2 years at UCSD have made me really try to figure out what my life will be. At my least ambitious, school was a means to take advantage of the ever increasing wage gap. I would guarantee some greater average income with the investment in school. I have come upon the point in my academic career in which I am the most ambitious. I know what I want, and I just need to do what is necessary to achieve those goals.


I want to teach Economics. I want to teach econ in a university. I would LOVE to teach econ at UCSD. I am a person not easily motivated. What, you ask, would drive a man to want to teach a subject of which he has complained for the past year and a half?

I love econ.
Micro interests me. Macro is okay. Econometrics is fascinating. Game theory intrigues me.
I LOVE public policy, urban development, economic development.


I HATE HATE HATE econ professors (with exception).
I HATE HATE HATE econ textbooks.
I HATE HATE HATE how dismal econ looks to outsiders.


For these reasons, I want to be a professor of econ. I will continue to study what I am in awe of: our market systems, incentive and incentive management, correlation of macroeconomic variables and all these new and wonderful things econ brings. I want to be part of that exception. I want to revolutionize how econ is taught. I want to change people's mindset regarding my supposedly dismal science.

But, to do this. I must pursue a Ph D in econ which would take another 4 or 5 years. I would be 28 by the time I finish.

First Surf of the Year

So, after much consideration regarding the physical state of my leg, i decided that it would be a good idea to go surfing today. Me and Albert headed out to shores with my 7'6" and his 6'6". When surf reports say poor conditions, by the by, they truly do mean it. We were continuously pummeled by wave after unforgiving wave for an hour. I found out today what poor conditions meant, and I will not go out to surf until conditions are at least fair. I am by no means a good or even decent surfer and thus, I can not paddle out past the break in poor conditions. I truly think that they should just change that in the surf report from "surf conditions" to "level of surfer needed to get past the break." Then again, maybe that would convince me to go out to surf (due to the teasing of the websites) even when in my heart of hearts, i know I'm not good enough.

Anyways, tossing this day aside, I'm really looking forward to surfing this year. I have a renewed dedication to the sport. I regret the fact that I lost the winter due to my foot, but am glad because I would've gotten killed by those double overhead waves. I hope to make it at least a bi-weekly venture (through the rest of winter and spring) and step it up to at least 3 or 4 times a week in the summer. This is in part because of how much I really love to surf, but in part due to the fact that I've lost Capoeira. I'm currently too poor (and the foot is still not feeling 100% quite yet) to pursue the sport that I love. I plan on training on my own, but it's been quite tough.

same leg, different shit...

So, I will go into UCSD student health for the second time in this school year and for yet another serious injury. I'm not too sure what it is this time, but I have a feeling I'm not going to like it. It just might be a fracture in my knee. I'm hoping that it won't need surgery. It doesn't hurt too much when I walk, but it feels very odd and weird. At Target today, at some point, it started to feel very tingly and weak.

I don't want to rehab again. Sweet mercy, I don't want to rehab again. I would miss out on school. I would miss out on friends. I would miss out on so much, all because of drunken chin-ups.

Winter slump...

So, I've come to my own personal diagnosis over the years. I am a victim of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Now, it's mild form compared to other. I ponder my mortality, etc, but I get through it with relative ease. It always goes away come spring and doesn't bug me til old man winter is back. This year was the first year I did not show any real signs of it. I simply went through the fall quarter and christmas season without really getting all emo. But, the past few weeks has taken quite a toll on me.

I have aforementioned life deadlines to meet which i have put off for months, as I usually do. I've been told off my victoria already, and i deserve every earful. She's an ass by the way. I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and i guess that i was close to being sleepy and she knowingly started saying weird shit and got me to just say uh huh... uh huh. obviously, i myself don't remember it, but she told me she had a grand ol' time fuckin around with me. what an ass.

i'll continue talkin about my slump later...